Educating Adun
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<Slugworth> I hate using a new brand of microwave popcorn, 'cause every brand has its own cooking time, but they *all* say 2-5 minutes.. So, I've got my favorite brand's time down, but now all we have is some brand I've never cooked before. I'm gonna either under or over cook it... 2-5 minutes... Fuck you, instructions. Give me something I can work with
<Adun> go 3.5 minutes
<Voidie`Darko> 3:30 is usually a good general time
<Jon`C> ...I usually deactivate the microwave manually.
<Slugworth> 2:05 is what I always cook mine for. 2:30 just slightly burned this new popcorn
<Jon`C> Just wait until the pops are 3-4 seconds apart.
<Yoss> I average about 2:15
<Slugworth> Ah
<Slugworth> You know, they've got condoms with special chemicals that'll fix that, Yoss
<Yoss> Yeah, yeah, yeah
<Adun> All of your personal lives confuse me
<Adun> I have no idea what you're talking about
<Slugworth> You have to love the audacity of Trojan, releasing a condom that quite literally numbs the guy's penis
<Yoss> As well they should
<Adun> pfft. Everyone knows a rigorous regiment of masturbation and practice extends your last power.
<Voidie`Darko> ...zul can go for 3 weeks
<Slugworth> Especially when you get so used to masturbation that it becomes the only way you can get off...
<Slugworth> Loveline used to get at least 1 caller a week that had that problem
<Voidie`Darko> ...and then there's Koos.
<Adun> bahaha
<Adun> really?
<Slugworth> Yeah, so careful, adun
<Koos> hey... it was only once...
<Slugworth> Know how many times it's happened to the rest of us? Never
<Adun> what happened?
<Koos> SURPRISE!
<Adun> details!
<Voidie`Darko> yeah, and Hitler only tried genocide once, but it was a big enough deal to still be talking about it
<Slugworth> What's the opposite of a guy *not* being able to get off, Adun? Yeah
<Voidie`Darko> .....adun, first page of the Darkside thread
<Koos> but how many times have you guys gotten pleasure in that way from a girl???
<Koos> yeah... thats what i thought
<Slugworth> Hey, I've gotten pleasure from *plenty* of women without ever touching them, Koos. I just didn't embarass myself in front of them
<Koos> that wasn't embarassing...
<Slugworth> .... was it a proud moment?
<Koos> no
<Voidie`Darko> ....look koos, if you derived some kind of pleasure from hosing down your girlfriend, that's none of our business....
<Voidie`Darko> .....wait, how the fuck was that not embarassing?!
<Voidie`Darko> "Oh darn! I'm sticky again!"
<Koos> because we're comfortable with each other
<Koos> she knows it was an accident
<Captain`Ramen> like porno stars. ever notice the money shot is always them jacking themselves off on the girl? its when you've fucked so many times that jacking off is the only way
<Voidie`Darko> Yeah, I'm comfortable with a lot of people, but that doesn't mean I want them ejaculating on me
<Koos> you guys make more of a deal of it then what it really is
<Slugworth> You know, it's nice having the other part of the hivemind around when I'm eating, 'cause I don't have to wipe the salt off my hands to insult Koos.
<Captain`Ramen> am i the only guy here giving koos props for that?
<Slugworth> ... Yes, Rma
<Slugworth> Ram
<Gonkish> KOOS INSULTING IS FUN
<Voidie`Darko> .......................... . . . . . . . . . . . .YOU TOLD US ABOUT YOU BLOWING A LOAD ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND! DON'T GET UPSET WHEN WE BRING UP HOW WRONG THAT IS!
<Adun> <Koos> she just got a "surprise" one time, which also surprised me... <--- ahahahahahahahahahaha
<Adun> hahahahahahahahahaha
<Captain`Ramen> how is that anything but right? shows her who's wearing the pants
<Voidie`Darko> see? Adun knows
* Koos taunts Gonk with a picture of leslie
* Gonkish would like to surprise Koos' girlfriend.. many..many times..
<Jon`C> <Koos> she just got a "surprise" one time, which also surprised me...
<Jon`C> ...hehe
<Gonkish> DAMN YOU
<Gonkish> DAMN YOU TO HELL
<Voidie`Darko> Ram would be a great rape counselor
<Slugworth> Also shows her who's ruining the pants everytime they hold hands, Ram
<Adun> zing!
<Koos> its not like i drowned her, either...
<Voidie`Darko> ....porn spam is really pushing the nasty dogfart sluts...
<Slugworth> So, you suffer from premature ejaculation *and* lowered sperm count. Congrats, Koos. You're just a few genetic deformities away from being Mah
<Koos> now is it my fault that there is inbreeding 2 generations above me in my family?
<Adun> Yes.
<Yoss> Of all the things you SHOULDN'T tell us...
<Voidie`Darko> ......Koos, I have a book for you. It's called "STOP TALKING NOW"...it's by your future self
<fourwood> so ram, hows it coming?
<Voidie`Darko> ....worst phrasing ever, given the current conversation, four
<Koos> lol void
<fourwood> ....i apologize dearly
<fourwood> just got out of the army game
<Koos> I'M NOT AN IT!
<Adun> Wait, is premature ejactulation something that happens when you have sex or something? I mean, I've been close to and touched girls (NOT STALKING) and I didn't come.
<Slugworth> ....................................... WHAT?!??!!
<Koos> adun, she was more than touching me
<Yoss> Oh dear...
* fourwood blinks..... and blinks again
* Koos points at Adun
<Voidie`Darko> I second slug's "...........................WHAT?!??!!"
<Koos> MAKE FUN OF HIM!
<fourwood> i third it
<Yoss> Must...end...pain...
<Adun> wait! I just don't understand how you come from just touching a girl!
<Koos> ...
<Koos> Adun: she was giving me a BLOWJOB at the time
<Slugworth> It's very simple, Adun. Step 1 is being Koos, and Step 2 is touching a girl
<Koos> BLOWJOB, everyone say it together...
<Yoss> Koos: NO
<Koos> BLOWJOB!
<Koos> im not like the guy from american pie
<Voidie`Darko> ....yes, let's drive home the point that Koos prematurely ejaculates!
<Yoss> lol
<Adun> You're just like that guy from Detroit Rock City
<Slugworth> wait..... how is it surprising to come during a blowjob? .... What'd you two expect, for it to spew out candy like a fucking pinata?
<Koos> ... i didnt feel it...
<Slugworth> er, cum
<fourwood> yeah... i was wondering...
<Koos> i had numb nuts...
<p3`packing> I. HATE. THIS. CONVERSATION.
<Koos> or something to the sort
<p3`packing> I. HATE. THIS. CONVERSATION.
<fuurgh> I don't
<Koos> I HATE J00!
<fuurgh> KEEP IT ROLLING, BABY
<fourwood> I. HATE. P3
<Sine_Nomen-gtkradiant> no you don't
<Voidie`Darko> .....nothing will ever bring joy again.
<Adun> ahaha, numb nuts
<Koos> BLOWJOB!
<Slugworth> Not even making Steve eat used undergarments?
<Wazzit> ..
<fuurgh> numb nuts?
<fuurgh> how'd you get numb nuts?
<p3`packing> I keep walking back in the room to hope that everyone is through talking about koos and his semen
<p3`packing> but nooooooo
<Voidie`Darko> not unless they previously belonged to Koos
<Koos> i dont know
<Adun> Koos will forever be Numb Nuts to me
<Slugworth> Koos, you know what you have to do
<Koos> what?
<p3`packing> ..yeah... DIE
<Voidie`Darko> ....change his name and move?
<Koos> Adun will always be the boy who doesn't know what premature ejaculation is to me
<Slugworth> Don't worry Koos, you just did it
<Koos> what?
<Slugworth> Better to be ignorant of it than to be a victim of it..
<UberCEO> koos: how long was she sucking you off before you spewed in her mouth?
<Slugworth> DO NOT ANSWER THAT QUESTION
<p3`packing> NO CEO
<p3`packing> BAD CEO
<Koos> CEO!
<p3`packing> BAD BAD
<p3`packing> BAD
<UberCEO> hahahah =)
<p3`packing> BAD
<Yoss> God...why.....
<Voidie`Darko> EVER
<Voidie`Darko> NO!
<Voidie`Darko> NO NO NO NO NO!
<fuurgh> lol nelsie!
<fuurgh> GO BABY GO
<p3`packing> MY EYES
* Koos Kicks CEO in the teeth
<fourwood> CEO. DIE. NOW.
* UberCEO blows his load at giving others bad horrible mental images!
<Adun> CEO - "premature" I'd guesstimate between 20-30 seconds
<fuurgh> <p3`packing> MY EYES -- that's the same thing she was saying!
<UberCEO> haha fuurghie
<fourwood> FUURGH. DIE. NOW.
<fuurgh> THE GOGGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!!!
<Yoss> lol fuurgh
<Koos> lol fuurgh
<UberCEO> so comeon koos, answer!
<p3`packing> NO
<Voidie`Darko> 'comeon koos'....kind of a role reversal
<p3`packing> DO. NOT.
<UberCEO> haha void
<Yoss> Oh...the laughs just keep on rollin'
<fuurgh> I was going to watch some porn after this, what a great mood-setter
<Adun> the last 10 minutes is all DS material
<UberCEO> just think of all the money koos could make at a sperm bank... he'd get paid every 30 seconds!
<Adun> fuurgh - the thought of Koos blowing his load early on his girlfriend?
<Yoss> god, ceo, why?!
<fuurgh> lol nels
<Koos> <Adun> Wait, is premature ejactulation something that happens when you have sex or something? I mean, I've been close to and touched girls (NOT STALKING) and I didn't come.
<UberCEO> he wouldn't even have to have the nurse stick her fingers up his ass like in AP2 or whatever movie that was
<Koos> ^ still the worst thing said so far
<fuurgh> Road Trip, nelsie
<fuurgh> but close enough
<UberCEO> yeah, I knew it had the stifler guy in it ;)
<fuurgh> koos, stop trying to take the spotlight off of you!
<Adun> better to not know than to be a victim!
<Koos> oh, how untrue
<Koos> ceo: a vague answer, but it was long enough
<UberCEO> so koos, have you gotten another blowjob from leslie? I mean, why would she bother if you cream before she even gets a good vacuum seal goin
<Voidie`Darko> "Don't know!" ...no, sorry, doesn't have the same ring as "surprise!"
<fuurgh> oh koosie's been keepin count!
<Koos> but "Premature Ejaculation?" does...
<Voidie`Darko> SURPRISingly, no it doesn't
<UberCEO> in response to koos' answer: koos breaks out a stopwatch and says "GO!" Leslie starts sucking, koos yells "SURPRISE! A NEW RECORD! 13.39 SECONDS!"
*** p3`packing is now known as p3
<Koos> ceo: how disturbing can you really be?
<UberCEO> well, this isn't as bad as that night fuzz and I ragged on MJ for an hour
<Yoss> Wow, you just opened the flood gates...
<Koos> i mean, hell, these are mental images of me and my girlfriend, and even I'm finding them disturbing...
<fourwood> ceo: wouldnt leslie know it first?
<Voidie`Darko> ...I don't know how proud I'd be of the time you actually commited felony corruption of a minor
<UberCEO> waz: get a girlfriend, have her suck you off and beat 13.39 seconds?
<Koos> Not SURPRISINGLY disturbing... void
<UberCEO> koos: just think of how disturbing the mental image of you doing her doggy style while grabbing her tits from behind would be then!
<p3> alright well, on the heels of this digusting conversation I leave now to be gone for 10 days... talk to you all on the 14th
* UberCEO humps p3
<fuurgh> with your nuts slappin up against her clit!
<p3> bye bye
<Koos> well... not really disturbing... more arousing...
<p3> ........................oh geez
*** p3 (~1234@205.247.45.ZiRC-51965) Quit (Quit: Hello world!)
<Yoss> Ceo is arousing Koos
<UberCEO> haha go fuurgh!
<fuurgh> oh baby
<Voidie`Darko> ....better put down tarps
<fourwood> what about her doing you up the ass with a strapon doggie style
<Koos> no, ceo is not arousing me...
<Koos> ok... i think ill be back later...
<UberCEO> nono four, him shoving a hairbrush handle up her ass
*** Koos is now known as Koos|Gone
<fourwood> that works too
<UberCEO> koos is going to yank his lariot
<fuurgh> so koosie, how deep does she like to go on your wang? a couple inches, or does she like to GAG ON IT?!
<UberCEO> beat mr. one eye
<Yoss> This is all so very distubring
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